Fleeting Thoughts

5:00 am: Thoughts race through my head chaotically. Conversations from yesterday, from five years ago. Conversations that haven’t happened yet.  My “to do” list. Problems to solve. Projects unfinished. Words said, unsaid, wish I said, wish I didn’t say.  Upset with others with what they said, didn’t say, the way they said it, what they meant or didn’t mean.

Past and future moments replaying in my head, bouncing from one to the next in no particular order and then back again.  The only thing they have in common is that they keep me awake. The alarm clock blares like a referee whistle in a game, calling time out. By the time I get up, I’m exhausted before the day starts. No wonder. I just did the mental Olympics of what if, why not, how come, if only. Not to worry, there will be a replay before I go to bed, recapping the day and anticipating what tomorrow will bring.

Like a jolt, the alarm made stopped me in my thoughts and I realized what I was doing. What we really need is an internal alarm throughout the day that buzzes loudly when we drift into these noisy distractions that take us away from the now. To wake us up to realize there are no “do-overs,” only the past which we can’t go back to fix. An alarm that creates an urgency to move forward into the day with a new awareness that these are moments we don’t get back . To grow into a better person and to let go of the past, to forgive (others and ourselves), forgetting all but the lessons learned.  Our thoughts and what we focus on make up our life. Choosing the right ones seems to be a pretty important decision not to be taken fleetingly. And if we choose correctly, we create a life well lived.