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Posts from the ‘Family’ Category

Mar 12

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Whoopie Cushion Fun

“Where there is love there is life.” – Mahatma Gandhi

“Play is often talked about as if it were a relief from serious learning. But for children play is serious learning. Play is really the work of childhood.” – Fred Rogers

Thank you for indulging very personal posts this week as we prepare to walk my Mom home for ourselves. All writing is personal, it’s special when it’s universal so I am hoping my ramblings can bring some form of hope, laughter and light. That is the only reason that I write Cast Light, to create meaning and generate a bit of optimism if possible. If one person doesn’t feel alone, finds some light and laughter, it is more than enough.

In the preparations of the burial, mass, luncheon, we are gathering memorabilia and photos. How do you sum up 86 years accurately or completely? These last months of caregiving in particular were challenging and narrowed our view to the daily duties and obligations. I am learning a lot about anticipatory grief and now the “it’s here and real” grief. Caregiving narrowed. Funeral planning is pulling us out from mouse view to eagle view, to see the whole story, to reflect on all of the chapters not a few pages of them.

Looking at old photos, there’s a joy, ease and innocence. A presence and lightness. The place we were fully before social media, punch out polarizing angry politics, 24-hour 800 station news informing us by the minute that the world is falling apart, melting into the sea, social unrest and angst, a 3 year pandemic, othering and judgment, making money off of misery, divisiveness and division. That is not the whole story. Too narrow and small. Eagle view needed.

“A family is a place where principles are hammered and honed on the anvil of everyday living.” – Charles R. Swindoll

I am not looking for the “good old days” but I will take some aspects of it. The lightness and laughter, the ease. I see it in my great nephews smiles now and on our faces in photos back then. More of that. That’s what I am longing for and inviting in. Laughter from bowling, playing boot hockey in the alley, ding dong ditch, a 49 cent whoopie cushion (might be a dollar now).

The world has stopped now for a bit and it will never go back to before. We live in the thresholds and afters and too often stuck in befores. We must live in the present, awake and aware, open and inviting the innocence of children who are around us and who remain in us if we would welcome them home.

Don’t wait for a funeral to look at pictures, sit on a whoopie cushion and reflect on the entirety of your life. And if there are things you don’t like and can change them, do it. Today, this day, no matter what is happening, is available to each of us to make something of it. Lighten up, exercise your laughter muscles and if possible go hang out with some kids and of course dogs, same sage teachers. Embrace that ease, lightness of laughter of that kid you were before the world told you different. The world is wrong. Play may be the real work of childhood but it should also be a required master class for adults.

“Jesus said, ‘Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.’”- Matthew 19:14

“You don’t choose your family. They are God’s gift to you, as you are to them.” – Desmond Tutu

Aug 13

Dance with Wonder

“I would maintain that thanks are the highest form of thought, and that gratitude is happiness doubled by wonder.” – Gilbert K. Chesterton

Watching my great nephews gaze with wonder at a waterfall is yet another master class in how to live well.
“Give faith a fighting chance and when you get the choice to sit it out or dance, I hope you dance.”
Do not waste moments in complaint, comparison or resentment.
This day is your life.
Live it with gratitude, joy and delight.
Find the wonder woven throughout this day and by all means, dance.

“I hope you never lose your sense of wonder,
You get your fill to eat but always keep that hunger,
May you never take one single breath for granted,
God forbid love ever leave you empty handed,
I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean,
Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens,
Promise me that you’ll give faith a fighting chance,
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance.
I hope you dance… I hope you dance…
I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance,
Never settle for the path of least resistance,
Livin’ might mean takin’ chances, but they’re worth takin’,
Lovin’ might be a mistake, but it’s worth makin’,
Don’t let some Hell bent heart leave you bitter,
When you come close to sellin’ out reconsider,
Give the heavens above more than just a passing glance,
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance.
I hope you dance… I hope you dance.
I hope you dance… I hope you dance.
(Time is a wheel in constant motion always rolling us along,
Tell me who wants to look back on their years
And wonder where those years have gone.)
I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean,
Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens,
Promise me that you’ll give faith a fighting chance,
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance.
Dance… I hope you dance.
I hope you dance… I hope you dance.
I hope you dance… I hope you dance.
(Time is a wheel in constant motion always rolling us along,
Tell me who wants to look back on their years
And wonder where those years have gone.)”
– Lyrics from I Hope You Dance, Lee Ann Womack

Turn it up and dance.

Aug 27

Make New Memories

“Creativity is intelligence having fun.” Albert Einstein

Today marks the first day of the Minnesota State Fair – 10 days of fun. I live a mile away and have not missed going at least once if not a few times each year. Many good memories with family and friends. With the pandemic, many things have changed, turned upside down and have been canceled.

While I’ll miss the fair and other fun activities this year, I am trying to create new memories and be open to different experiences. And while the change and loss in 2020 is extraordinary, we are not called to remain in they abyss. We are people of hope, resilience, creativity, innovation, imagination, joy, laughter, promise, light, depth and purpose.

Create new memories with trust and assurance that we don’t remain in one place and time forever. So as we live through this rare time in history, many things have not been canceled and new things have been given – quiet, family, joy, gratitude, time to create, plan, think, exercise, read and connect with others in new ways.

We need a collective mind shift to optimism, hope and abundance. If we create that state in this moment, we can confidently move through the pandemic and all of the other struggles on this journey. Keep the faith. The only way to live life is forward. Create new memories and cast light.

“Fun is good.” – Dr. Seuss

“Don’t ever become a pessimist… a pessimist is correct oftener than an optimist, but an optimist has more fun, and neither can stop the march of events.” – Robert A. Heinlein

Jun 10

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The Beautiful Fabric of Friendship

“The language of friendship is not words but meanings.” – Henry David Thoreau

“My friends are my estate.” – Emily Dickinson

Tonight, the running group gathered as usual to saunter, walk and run. In addition, we also celebrated a good friend’s 82nd birthday. Terry is a rare breed, filled with humor, great stories and light. He came back for the summer. We haven’t seen him since October when he went to California for the winter. The cool thing about this group of humans is that we come from all walks of life and welcome all who want to join and care deeply about each other. Friends who are family.

When he left last fall, we had no idea that 2020 would bring a pandemic. Tonight was a celebration and sign of opening back up, of reuniting, of valuing the deep human connection that in hindsight we took for granted.

“Rejoicing in our joy, not suffering over our suffering, makes someone a friend.” – Friedrich Nietzsche

It was a gift of normal. What we remember, forget and focus on frames our life. Choose well, live well. Never forget. Embrace moments. Love without condition.

“We all have life storms, and when we get the rough times and we recover from them, we should celebrate that we got through it. No matter how bad it may seem, there’s always something beautiful that you can find.” – Mattie Stepanek

“Let there be no purpose in friendship save the deepening of the spirit.” – Khalil Gibran

Jun 1

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Setting and Rising

“You may write me down in history with your bitter, twisted lines. You may trod me in the very dirt, but still, like dust, I’ll rise.” – Maya Angelou

“Love is like a virus. It can happen to anybody at any time.” – Maya Angelou

May we all be blessed enough to catch the virus of love. To never succumb to the darkness. To seize the light and ensure that we cast the light broad and deep to cultivate hope, joy and peace. That is the only worthy thing to cling to, to aspire to, to work for. Be kind. Change hearts, change the world.

“Love recognizes no barriers. It jumps hurdles, leaps fences, penetrates walls to arrive at its destination full of hope.” – Maya Angelou

 

May 25

A Good Tired

“Everybody needs beauty as well as bread, places to play in and pray in, where nature may heal and give strength to body and soul.” – John Muir

It’s a good tired when fun, play and joy are the reasons. A few days away on a long weekend to restore, relax and hangout in nature. Liam greeted me with a bright smile and provided his usual master class on being authentically joyful in the present moment.

From wandering in the lake with his PJs on to throw ball for Abby to relaxing in the hammock to randomly saying “I love you” throughout the weekend, it was just what was needed. I brought a backpack of reading and “to do” items and did none of it. Thank goodness or I would have missed out on eye to eye contact, holding hands, waterskiing on glass and ATV-ing through the pine tree church of the woods.

When we get lost in busy, trapped in fear and spiraling in worry, the best answer is to return to nature, spend time with kids and dogs to relearn how to live well. Stop, play and enjoy each moment as it comes with anticipation and always with a “best-case scenario” perspective.

Apr 28

Yesterday

“A man of courage is also full of faith.” – Marcus Tullius Cicero

“Today well lived makes every yesterday a dream of happiness.” Kalidasa

Since March 20th, I’ve been writing in a journal every morning to capture this rare time (I’m not calling it unprecedented and uncertain – obvious, overused and meaningless). I put the date on each entry and often have to look at my phone to remind me what day it is. It is easy to get lost in these wandering and over-zoomed days.

This morning, I didn’t need to be reminded of what day it was. I knew it. Four years ago, my Dad passed away. I was in a plane coming back from a work trip to Boston and didn’t make it in time. Not one single day has gone by since that I have not missed him. I often want to pick up the phone and have a conversation with him, like I did every day for the past several decades. I think of the conversations that we’d have right now about these days. But I don’t have to go too far to know what he would think or say. He remains in my heart, I hear him in my own phrases and thoughts. He’s a part of my fabric and being. He and my Mom planted, fostered and grew faith, grit and strength in me, my brother and sister. Three solid traits to get through these days. Optimism is too.

So today, I ask each of you to do me one favor. Stop, call your Mom and Dad if they are still here and tell them you love them and repeat daily. Because four years ago last night, I had no idea that the next day would be the last day.

Don’t take time for granted while you are in your “yesterdays,” even in the middle of a damn pandemic. Tomorrows come and sometimes they surprise us with gifts and other times with loss which leaves us grateful for what was and in due time allows us to keep going, never forgetting and always richly blessed.

Apr 19

Joy Chasers

“Joy is the serious business of Heaven.” – C. S. Lewis

“The discipline of gratitude is the explicit effort to acknowledge that all I am and have is given to me as a gift of love, a gift to be celebrated with joy.” – Henri Nouwen

I need not search far for joy. In Liam’s sweet smile and laugh, in Abby’s pursuit of the ball, in Sasha’s snuggling in beside me. Simple pleasures and gifts are all around and are not dependent on circumstances. They transcend them.

“Joy is prayer; joy is strength: joy is love; joy is a net of love by which you can catch souls.” – Mother Teresa

The Joy Chasers Club is open and membership is free. Surely the serious business of Heaven.

“Beauty is the only thing that time cannot harm. Philosophies fall away like sand, creeds follow one another, but what is beautiful is a joy for all seasons, a possession for all eternity.” – Oscar Wilde

Apr 6

A Few of My Favorite Things

“My favorite things in life don’t cost any money. It’s really clear that the most precious resource we all have is time. – Steve Jobs

No matter the circumstances, we have a choice to lean in or bury our head, to smile or frown, to embrace or shun, to hold tight or let go. It is your choice. Suffering is optional.

Find and hold those people and things that rock your world and never let them go. They are here to show us the way. Hold tight through the storms.

We are so much bigger than the storms and stronger than the waves. Keep afloat, head up and find joy in today. For that is all we are promised. From Blake flying high to Liam’s morning zoom calls as my favorite remote worker, to Como Conservatory from the outside looking in to Sasha (Samoyed) and Abby (Golden Retriever) running full throttle through the woods on a spring, cloudy day, SEIZE this very moment and hold tight to your favorite things. Blessings in disguise.

Apr 4

Never Again and Always Remember

Never again will I take for granted…

God, who carries us and is in control despite our best efforts to take over;
The value of community and need for connection, even for an introvert like me;
Hugs from family and friends;
The brilliant blue sky and the warmth of the sun;
Conversations over dinner out;
The resilience, fortitude and grit of the human spirit;
Long stretches of open space and time and to do something with it;
Our capacity for creativity and need to pursue it daily;
The power of hope, faith, trust, optimism and laughter;
The journey within to listen to my own voice;
The brevity, fragility and value of life.

I will always remember to…

Hug family and friends a minute longer;
Weave slow, quiet time into each day so busy and noise don’t take over again;
Never look back and be open to new beginnings and endings;
Be deeply grateful for all of the blessings and gifts that are already present;
Lead with kindness and empathy rather than judgment and assumptions;
Check in on others to make sure that they are really alright;
Pursue purpose and calling;
Be a better listener;
Sleep without an alarm more often;
Quit complaining and enjoy what already is;
Keep the clutter clear and stop buying stuff;
Listen to music, read and write poetry, appreciate art;
Let go of the past, be immersed fully in each day and to not get too far into the future;
Keep trying new things and always be willing to be a beginner ready to learn and grow;
Write in a journal every single morning;
Pray in the good times too;
Keep going for long runs and extra walks with the girls;
Laugh more and lighten up;
Make the most of the days that remain;
And to always play hopscotch when given the opportunity.

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