Skip to content

Posts tagged ‘Family’

Mar 7

Woven into Each Day, Love

“The person who can bring the spirit of laughter into a room is indeed blessed.” – Bennet Cerf

“Remember Me:
To the living, I am gone.
To the sorrowful, I will never return.
To the angry, I was cheated,
But to the happy, I am at peace,
And to the faithful, I have never left.
I cannot be seen, but I can be heard.
So as you stand upon a shore, gazing at a beautiful sea – remember me.
As you look in awe at a mighty forest and its grand majesty – remember me.
As you look upon a flower and admire its simplicity – remember me.
Remember me in your heart, your thoughts, your memories of the times we loved,
the times we cried, the times we fought, the times we laughed.
For if you always think of me, I will never be gone.” – Margaret Mead

“You’ve gotta dance like there’s nobody watching,
Love like you’ll never be hurt,
Sing like there’s nobody listening,
And live like it’s heaven on earth.”― William W. Purkey

Two years ago today, Mom passed.
Not a day goes by that I/we don’t miss and think of her, and smile.
Dad, coming up on 9 years in April.
From loss, to grief, to laughter and sweet memories.
And then back through it all again in different ways.
The shape and substance of love.
Time goes slow, then fast.
Really fast.
Befores and afters.
No do-overs.
Know what’s important and put your time and attention there
Faith, family, friends, humanity.
Be kind, patient, listen, generous, forgive, forget, remember, grateful, be present this day.
Invite awe, fun, wonder, joy, laughter, light in and cast it back out.
Love well.
The only act that truly changes the world and gives meaning and purpose to our days.

“Let parents bequeath to their children not riches, but the spirit of reverence.” – Plato

Jan 31

Dizzying Serendipity

“Life is gritty and hard and then suddenly it is brilliant and amazing.”― Mel Robbins

“We can spend our lives fretting about our deaths, or we can use our brief time to sink deeper into the experience of being human, for all it entails. The good, the tricky, the impermanent. We can acknowledge our death will one day come and use that knowledge to create a life so whole, so honest, so juicy, that it is worth leaving. I have seen over and over human beings’ personal reckonings in the final moments of life. It begs the question: What must I do to be at peace with myself so that I may live presently and die gracefully?

Without our deaths, none of it would matter. There would be no context for what we do. When we live in relationship to our mortality, it adds direction to our actions, truth to our words, rapture to our experience, authenticity to our being, and maybe pounds to our hips. We can make choices that resonate with the core of our being, free from societal expectations and the judgment of others.

While our lives and choices may seem insignificant in the grand scheme of things, they are not. With the dizzying serendipity that must occur for us to be born, the fact that we live is a miracle.”― Alua Arthur, Briefly Perfectly Human

A family funeral brings to the forefront what is important, or should be
Brevity of days
Blessings and duty of relationships
Friends and family who show up to be present, to remember
Sweet memories, funny stories
Today is ours to make or to fritter away
Life keeps “life”-ing
Twists and turns
Not getting our way
What we care about
What we need to let go
People disappointing us
Us disappointing people
What we create, who we are, how we spend our time
Our thoughts, words, actions, inactions
Daily choices to be present, attune, grateful or not
To seek joy, peace, kindness, delight, laughter, play
Life, which is this day, matters
Love well, with dizzying serendipity

“At every step in our path, some possibilities die behind us while others bloom before us, and in every transition, even the joyful ones, there is grief.”― Alua Arthur, Briefly Perfectly Human

Aug 28

1 Comment

Harmonious Hum

“Some people care too much. I think it’s called love.”― A.A. Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh

“Love is a quiet, reassuring, relaxing, pottering, pedantic, harmonious hum of a thing; something you can easily forget is there, even though its palms are outstretched beneath you in case you fall.”― Dolly Alderton, Everything I Know About Love

In the busy of the day.
Amidst your to do list.
Rushing from one thing to the next.
In overthinking and overdoing.
Pause.
Feel the weight of love.
Gravity and immensity.
Bold and bright.
In ordinary exchanges.
In each day.
Simple moments.
Let it in.
Pass it on.
A smile.
Listening.
Patience.
Encouragement.
A hello.
In simple words and ways.
Guardian of hope.
Harmonious hum.
Love runs through it all.
Do not miss it.
Give, receive, give without counting.

“Maybe friendship is being the guardian of another person’s hope. Leave it with me and I’ll look after it for a while , if it feels too heavy for now.”― Dolly Alderton, Ghosts

Apr 27

Flying Buttresses

“The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.”― Elisabeth Kübler-Ross

“God, you called me to love, but people are inherently risky. Telling my story, being known, asking for help, complaining again about the things I worry might sound cliche by now.

Shouldn’t I be over it already? But something is happening when I am known. I am becoming stronger somehow.

I am reminded of the walls I’ve seen holding up cathedrals, flying buttresses, engineered to provide support for a fragile wall, allowing them to be built taller, more stunning, more covered with ornaments or filled with stained glass, letting all the colorful light dance in. The walls would collapse without them there, but, strengthened, they create something beautiful. God, when I’m no longer quite so tall and strong, give me those who hold me up, and remind me of who I am and that I’m loved.

Yes, I will get back up again today. Yes, I will get those kids cereal and help my parents with an errand. Yes, I’ll go to work or come up with something better to do with retirement hours.

I will try again. I know I will, because someone else’s absurd faith in me is fortifying. So blessed are our flying buttresses for they hold us up when everything seems ready to come apart, allowing us to face today. Not because we’re doing it alone, but precisely because we aren’t.” – Kate Bowler & Jessica Richie, The Lives We Actually Have

I am raptly aware and deeply grateful for the “flying buttresses” in my life.
Those who walk beside me and hold me up.
Those I can hold up too.
May we support, love without condition (the definition of love), extend, invite, build up and let the colorful light in and out.
Thank you for the encouragers, the path lighters, the hand holders, the strengtheners, the generous, the cheerleaders, the blockers and tacklers.
We do not walk this path alone.
Thank God for the flying buttresses.
Amen.

“There is a wave of gratefulness because people are becoming aware how important this is and how this can change our world. It can change our world in immensely important ways, because if you’re grateful, you’re not fearful, and if you’re not fearful, you’re not violent. If you’re grateful, you act out of a sense of enough and not of a sense of scarcity, and you are willing to share. If you are grateful, you are enjoying the differences between people, and you are respectful to everybody, and that changes this power pyramid under which we live.”― David Steindl-Rast

Mar 15

With Singing, Thanksgiving, Praise and Lament

The podcast I listened to yesterday and on the way to the funeral home for Mom’s wake was someone I quote here often author Kate Bowler. The topic this week is called Number Our Days with Reverend Tom Long about funerals. God’s timing is not ours but is perfect and always on time. It was the right thing at the right time followed by hours of family and friends sharing stories, long hugs, laughter, tears and celebrating Mom’s life and preparing for the final earthly good-bye today.

Tom Long shared many insightful thoughts including “there’s a great passage in the Gospel of John when Jesus says to his disciples, “Are you going to leave me like everybody else?” And Peter says, “Where would we go? You have the words of life.” And I think pastors find performing funerals, presiding at funerals, richly satisfying because they recognize that people are responding to the word of life that they bring. Pastors are the last one standing. The physicians have all fled. The lawyers haven’t arrived yet. And there we are. And somebody has to say something that has power and promise and comfort and meaning in this momentous occasion. And that’s what we get to do.”…”I think that’s why we break into song. That’s why the apostolic constitution, an ancient liturgical document, says in the death of the saints, accompany them with singing, not with explanations, but with but with singing, thanksgiving, Praise, lament.

Mom is reunited with Dad, her parents and brothers, all of the relatives and friends who went before, especially her Mom who she hasn’t seen in 76 years and my Aunt Marion who was her best friend.

Mom would always say “bye now.” So, Mom, bye now and bye for now. I’ll see you after today in people, places, daily activities, sacred spaces woven in each ordinary day, in my actions, words, in habits, in my family and mostly in my heart where Dad has been for 7 years since his homegoing. Thanks Mom and Dad for being my parents but perhaps most importantly, my best friends, the ones who saw me before I saw me.

“Surrender to the beauty of revealing yourself to yourself, and to the ones who saw you before you saw you.”― Carolyn Brown, Hummingbird Lane

The journey of Lent has an even deeper meaning this year. We don’t walk nor carry our crosses alone. The only road to the third day of resurrection is right through the middle of day one and two. We love you Mom. I love you Mom. Rest in peace, grace and light. May those who remain, number our days well.

“I am the resurrection, and the life: he that believeth in me, though he were dead, yet shall he live: And whosoever liveth and believeth in me shall never die.” – John 11:25-26

Mar 12

3 Comments

Whoopie Cushion Fun

“Where there is love there is life.” – Mahatma Gandhi

“Play is often talked about as if it were a relief from serious learning. But for children play is serious learning. Play is really the work of childhood.” – Fred Rogers

Thank you for indulging very personal posts this week as we prepare to walk my Mom home for ourselves. All writing is personal, it’s special when it’s universal so I am hoping my ramblings can bring some form of hope, laughter and light. That is the only reason that I write Cast Light, to create meaning and generate a bit of optimism if possible. If one person doesn’t feel alone, finds some light and laughter, it is more than enough.

In the preparations of the burial, mass, luncheon, we are gathering memorabilia and photos. How do you sum up 86 years accurately or completely? These last months of caregiving in particular were challenging and narrowed our view to the daily duties and obligations. I am learning a lot about anticipatory grief and now the “it’s here and real” grief. Caregiving narrowed. Funeral planning is pulling us out from mouse view to eagle view, to see the whole story, to reflect on all of the chapters not a few pages of them.

Looking at old photos, there’s a joy, ease and innocence. A presence and lightness. The place we were fully before social media, punch out polarizing angry politics, 24-hour 800 station news informing us by the minute that the world is falling apart, melting into the sea, social unrest and angst, a 3 year pandemic, othering and judgment, making money off of misery, divisiveness and division. That is not the whole story. Too narrow and small. Eagle view needed.

“A family is a place where principles are hammered and honed on the anvil of everyday living.” – Charles R. Swindoll

I am not looking for the “good old days” but I will take some aspects of it. The lightness and laughter, the ease. I see it in my great nephews smiles now and on our faces in photos back then. More of that. That’s what I am longing for and inviting in. Laughter from bowling, playing boot hockey in the alley, ding dong ditch, a 49 cent whoopie cushion (might be a dollar now).

The world has stopped now for a bit and it will never go back to before. We live in the thresholds and afters and too often stuck in befores. We must live in the present, awake and aware, open and inviting the innocence of children who are around us and who remain in us if we would welcome them home.

Don’t wait for a funeral to look at pictures, sit on a whoopie cushion and reflect on the entirety of your life. And if there are things you don’t like and can change them, do it. Today, this day, no matter what is happening, is available to each of us to make something of it. Lighten up, exercise your laughter muscles and if possible go hang out with some kids and of course dogs, same sage teachers. Embrace that ease, lightness of laughter of that kid you were before the world told you different. The world is wrong. Play may be the real work of childhood but it should also be a required master class for adults.

“Jesus said, ‘Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.’”- Matthew 19:14

“You don’t choose your family. They are God’s gift to you, as you are to them.” – Desmond Tutu

Mar 11

2 Comments

Love to Complete Your Life

“A mother is the truest friend we have, when trials heavy and sudden fall upon us; when adversity takes the place of prosperity; when friends desert us; when trouble thickens around us, still will she cling to us, and endeavor by her kind precepts and counsels to dissipate the clouds of darkness, and cause peace to return to our hearts.”― Washington Irving

“This is my wish for you: Comfort on difficult days, smiles when sadness intrudes, rainbows to follow the clouds, laughter to kiss your lips, sunsets to warm your heart, hugs when spirits sag, beauty for your eyes to see, friendships to brighten your being, faith so that you can believe, confidence for when you doubt, courage to know yourself, patience to accept the truth, Love to complete your life.”― Ralph Waldo Emerson

My Mom joined Dad in heaven this week.
We walk her home for ourselves next week.
86 years old.
Tough and soft, tender steel.
From farm roots.
East side of Saint Paul, those who lived there know what that means.
Neighbors, friends, loyalty, family, community, laughter, hard work, hard play.
Love completed her life and remains for us to complete our own journey.
Grief and gratitude.
Joy and laughter.
Memories across a lifetime, not just a snapshot in time.
A good story.
May each of us complete our own story with comfort, smiles, rainbows, laughter, sunsets, hugs, beauty, friendships, faith, confidence, courage, patience and overflowing love. And the gift of God’s peace that passes all understanding.

“The most difficult times for many of us are the ones we give ourselves.”― Pema Chodron, When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice For Difficult Times

Nov 1

You Can Be…

“The thankful receiver bears a plentiful harvest.” – William Blake

“You do not have to choose
one or the other: a dream or a dreamer, the
bird or the birder. You may be a woman of
commotion and quiet. Magic and brain.

You can be a mother and a poet. A wife and
a lover. You can dance on the graves you dug
on Tuesday, pulling out the bones of yourself
you began to miss.”― Kate Baer, What Kind of Woman

You can be a mix, a mess, brilliant and beautiful.
You are all of that and so much more.
Paradox, complexity, simplicity, shallow, deep.
Surround yourself with friends and family, loving their flaws and all their quirkiness, your own too.
We are more than what we do, our mistakes, our errors, beyond perfection to real and true.
Love saves us all.

“Follow the flawed, the real, the messy. Follow the women who say it like it is, no filter, no glossing, no bull. Follow those people who accept themselves, and you, as you are. And leave the rest to edit their lives to perfection,”― Donna Ashworth, I Wish I Knew: Poems to Soothe Your Soul & Strengthen Your Spirit

Jan 4

Yeah! It’s Monday!

“In the sweetness of friendship let there be laughter, and sharing of pleasures. For in the dew of little things the heart finds its morning and is refreshed.” – Khalil Gibran

“There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.” – Einstein

We fall into patterns and mindsets that don’t serve us well. Sundays before Mondays are heavy as we contemplate the “to do” list for the week. Fridays we sigh with relief that we made it through four grueling days. We find joy in three days and forego the other four.

Enough. Take each and every day back! Be as excited on Monday as you are on Friday by changing your expectations, trying new things and not falling for false narratives.

Each day is a gift ready to be seen and opened. Pay attention and tune out the noise. Be willing to accept joy in ordinary moments and create memories on a weekday rather than on vacation and long weekends.

As we come off a few weeks of holidays and respite from the grind, commit and build time into each day for self-care, delight and celebration of ordinary moments. Life is meant for the grand not the grind. Dare to be light and carefree, even and especially on a Monday. Repeat on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday. Get into the grind of joy!

A few hours with Jeanne and the girls proved to be, yet again, good medicine for the soul.

Yeah!!! It’s Monday. May we each have the wisdom to say this daily prayer, “God, I am blessed and I know it in my bones. Thank you and Amen!”

“Miracles come in moments. Be ready and willing.” – Wayne Dyer

Jun 10

3 Comments

The Beautiful Fabric of Friendship

“The language of friendship is not words but meanings.” – Henry David Thoreau

“My friends are my estate.” – Emily Dickinson

Tonight, the running group gathered as usual to saunter, walk and run. In addition, we also celebrated a good friend’s 82nd birthday. Terry is a rare breed, filled with humor, great stories and light. He came back for the summer. We haven’t seen him since October when he went to California for the winter. The cool thing about this group of humans is that we come from all walks of life and welcome all who want to join and care deeply about each other. Friends who are family.

When he left last fall, we had no idea that 2020 would bring a pandemic. Tonight was a celebration and sign of opening back up, of reuniting, of valuing the deep human connection that in hindsight we took for granted.

“Rejoicing in our joy, not suffering over our suffering, makes someone a friend.” – Friedrich Nietzsche

It was a gift of normal. What we remember, forget and focus on frames our life. Choose well, live well. Never forget. Embrace moments. Love without condition.

“We all have life storms, and when we get the rough times and we recover from them, we should celebrate that we got through it. No matter how bad it may seem, there’s always something beautiful that you can find.” – Mattie Stepanek

“Let there be no purpose in friendship save the deepening of the spirit.” – Khalil Gibran

« Older Entries