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Posts from the ‘Golden Retriever’ Category

Dec 18

4 Comments

Home Again

abby1w

“Happiness is a warm puppy.” – Charles M. Schulz

After a 12 hour round trip to Thief River Falls, Minnesota, Abby is home and Abby is my new home. Home is so much more than a place. Places, people (and pups), conversations, memories, moments, our true north all make up home. Often hard to put into words but clear as crystal when we arrive. Comfort, ease, acceptance, laughter, tears, connection, understanding without explanation – when we have these, we are home.

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“Happiness is a warm puppy” is not merely because they are cute. That’s undisputed. It goes deeper than fun and frolic, and there’s plenty. A puppy models for us ever so brilliant humans the critical importance of play, delight, immersion in the very moment, not looking back or ahead. Puppies chase a ball with intent, purpose and focus without distraction. They move on when done to engage fully in the next moment, emptied of the past and future to be filled completely with the present.

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This weekend is a homecoming for Abby and for me. We think we take care of them, but in reality, they are taking care of us. Home again, indeed. Welcome home.

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Dec 7

11 Comments

The Next Chapter

“The story of life is quicker than the blink of an eye, the story of love is hello, goodbye.” – Jimi Hendrix

The story of our life, each chapter, unfolds as it should. This year, the chapters that I’ve written and that have been written for me, I do not understand right now. But each chapter builds on the next as the plot thickens and the characters that enter our story gently hold our hand and lead us deeper into our story.

For many years, I’ve shared the stories, antics and adventures of Molly my Samoyed and Lily my Golden Retriever. My parents made it in here quite a bit as well. They have been the main characters for so long that where they end and I begin is hard to separate. We define each other. Those closest to us make us our best self as they patiently hold us through our not-so-best self.

Losing Dad in April, Molly in June and Lily in October has left me wandering a bit, trying to get back to my center. As I have bided time, as we all must, I’ve have accepted my “new” normal and continue on. And while it often seems like forever, we do heal, we do become whole again in a different way.

And now the next chapter.  Abby, a sweet golden retriever who will be joining my family on December 16th. As we mark our days of loss, we must also mark our days of joy and anticipation. And joy is so much sweeter when we’ve been on the other side.

“If you want a happy ending, that depends, of course, on where you stop your story.” – Orson Welles

“If you want a happy ending, that depends, of course, on where you stop your story.” – Orson Welles

Abby follows a long line of best friends who have come before to shape me with their canine wisdom and unconditional love, making me a better human. Greta, Misha, Elly, Molly, Lily – my characters that have come before remain in my story even today. No one or nothing that ever comes before is ever truly gone. The best of them remain in us. Abby joins a line of wonderful characters and she will be her own unique character, bringing all new adventures and creating the next chapter.

Our life is not one word, one line, one page, one chapter. It is woven together to make up a composition. Keep writing your story and allow others to write on the pages as well. The final chapter will come all too soon, so enjoy today’s page and cast light.

Oct 4

16 Comments

Mark This Day

“There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition, and of unspeakable love.” – Washington Irving

I need to mark this day. A day of loss and one of deep gratitude as well – often what life is made of – a mix of both.  So many of the good lessons I’ve learned over the years have come from Lily. My funny, goofy best friend who always knew how to brighten a room with her levity and capacity for sheer delight.

After over a month struggling with an auto-immune disease, I needed to make a choice for her today, not me. Even after two blood transfusions, multiple tests and over eight medications, she wasn’t bouncing to her natural state of joy. As soon as she generated blood red cells, they were destroyed. After her second transfusion on Sunday, her red blood count dropped to half where it should be at a minimum. She wasn’t who she was and she was suffering.

It’s never easy to make the decision to say goodbye to a loyal and loving friend, but when you see the relief in her eyes as the pain releases from her body, you know it’s the right decision. She was only six years old and was still heartbroken over losing Molly in June and Dad in April. We were making our way, marking our days together, mending each other’s heart.

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Mark your days – each and every one – the good ones and the oh so difficult ones. And know underneath someone else’s distant or distracted nature, something very difficult may be going on in their life and most likely is. It happens to all of us to be sure. Be kind and compassionate especially if you don’t feel like it. And remember that we don’t have forever, so start enjoying your life today.

Lily showed me unconditional love, how to lighten up and how to greet others – with wide open eyes, boundless energy and an unending smile. And, if necessary, gently holding your arm in her mouth.

Safe travels to heaven Lily and give Molly and Dad a big hug from me. You’ll be sure to make your mark there like you did on my life here. Thank you love.

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Sep 2

How old?

“We are always the same age inside.” – Gertrude Stein

May you feel as young as a wide-eyed optimistic teenager with wisdom from experience, softened rather than hardened from the years. We fritter away so much time trying to control that which is not ours to control. What’s inside of each one of us is truly our own, within our own control. Never surrender that control to others or circumstances.

Our world is created from inside, so choose your thoughts well with an open heart and a forgiving, light spirit. It’s easy to succumb to worldly reality, becoming old and stale. Don’t. Forever young.

“The habit of being happy enables one to be freed, or largely freed, from the domination of outward conditions.” – Robert Louis Stevenson

“The habit of being happy enables one to be freed, or largely freed, from the domination of outward conditions.” – Robert Louis Stevenson

Jul 26

4 Comments

Permission to Play

“As we let our light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence actually liberates others.” – Marianne Williams

In the past months, I’ve been asked a lot “how are you doing?” While I appreciate the concern, I feel obligated to say “good,” to avoid talking about how I am really feeling, to not share the impact and depth of loss since who really wants to hear it. I often don’t want to hear it, say it or feel it myself.

But to be straight up and honest – Lily and me miss the members of our pack and best friends – Molly and Dad. It’s been a month for Molly and three months for Dad. Each day that passes eases the sharp and deep blow, yet a steady melancholy remains. Loneliness is hard to explain. Yet we all carry loss. How we carry or acknowledge or don’t acknowledge it varies.

“I gave myself permission to feel and experience all of my emotions. In order to do that, I had to stop being afraid to feel. In order to do that, I taught myself to believe that no matter what I felt or what happened when I felt it, I would be okay.” – Iyanla Vanzant

“I gave myself permission to feel and experience all of my emotions. In order to do that, I had to stop being afraid to feel. In order to do that, I taught myself to believe that no matter what I felt or what happened when I felt it, I would be okay.” – Iyanla Vanzant

Tonight I arranged a “play” date with Lily and her cousins Chloe and Grace. The past few times we’ve been together, Lily has been tentative and stayed in the house as a spectator rather than a participant. Tonight, it took a bit, but Lily let go and gave herself permission to play, to let loose. It was fun to see her chase the girls and to allow her smile to light up, if but for a short time.

No matter what we carry, we can lay it down for a moment and be carried by light and frivolity. It plants a seed of hope that this too shall pass with healing that time gives. And letting our burdens go to delight in the moment doesn’t erase or diminish loss. It reveals the sacredness and redemption of joy.

No matter what you may be going through, or what may come, give yourself permission to play like a kid or puppy. Forgetting where we are exposes that shadows are momentary and that momentous light remains steady and strong. Search for, delight in and cast light each day.

Jul 19

3 Comments

Open and Still

“When everything is moving and shifting, the only way to counteract chaos is stillness. When things feel extraordinary, strive for ordinary. When the surface is wavy, dive deeper for quieter waters.” – Kristin Armstrong

Pause and create pockets of silence each day with rapt attention. From the sacred quiet at the rise of the day to the gentle peace offered as the sun drifts to slumber, stillness calls to restore, renew and inspire. No sense of time or tasks to check off. Present in the present. Discovering the poetry found in a walk, a smile, a flower.

Open, still and ever so grateful.

“Only when your consciousness is totally focused on the moment you are in can you receive whatever gift, lesson, or delight that moment has to offer.” – Barbara de Angelis

“Only when your consciousness is totally focused on the moment you are in can you receive whatever gift, lesson, or delight that moment has to offer.” – Barbara de Angelis

Jul 5

2 Comments

Biding Time

“Every man must patiently bide his time. He must wait / not in listless idleness but in constant, steady, cheerful endeavors, always willing and fulfilling and accomplishing his task, that when the occasion comes he may be equal to the occasion.” – Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

I’ve been keeping Lily busy (both of us really) the past week since Molly died. She’s got loneliness in her eyes that I can’t fix and it’s like looking in a mirror. We are both biding time, knowing that with passing of time it will be more tolerable and we’ll settle into a new normal we didn’t want but need to accept. I’ve had two dogs for the past twenty years and when one leaves the other behind, it’s heartbreaking. But the love and joy that they’ve shared through the years and that they let me share with them carries us through and stays with us.

“Find a place inside where there's joy, and the joy will burn out the pain.” – Joseph Campbell

“Find a place inside where there’s joy, and the joy will burn out the pain.” – Joseph Campbell

So some distractions like swimming, long walks, patios that allow dogs and boating give us permission to smile and carry on since there are no other real options but to go through. So we bide time, we cry, we laugh, we play and we remember well, grateful for what has been, for what is present right now and for what is to come.

Mar 28

Easter Monday

“Easter is meant to be a symbol of hope, renewal, and new life.” – Janine di Giovanni

We are called to carry to the joy of Easter Sunday into Monday, Tuesday and each day to come thereafter. More than a day, it is a way to live, to be transformed. A chance to begin again, to accept grace that is given freely and generously.

Do not succumb to despair. Allow yourself to change and be changed.

Kids and dogs breathe in and breathe out joy naturally, without hesitation. Wide-eyed and unassuming, they accept and release abundance to all who are open and willing to take it in. Loving without condition, they give depth and dimension to an often obtuse world.

Happy Easter Monday, and Tuesday and Wednesday…

“God loves each of us as if there were only one of us. “ – Saint Augustine

“God loves each of us as if there were only one of us. “ – Saint Augustine

Mar 8

7 Comments

2190 Days

“There are two great days in a person’s life – the day we are born and the day we discover why.” – William Barclay

It’s Lily’s 6th birthday today. Lily wakes up around 5:00 am every day (yes, even the weekends) with a boundless enthusiasm, boisterous curiosity and a smile that won’t quit. And she demands that Molly and I join in. A paw to the shoulder, her butt up in the air, head down and then the famous flop on top of me, she’s ready to start the day and she needs her pack to join in. Every morning, she wipes the slate clean, starts anew in the hunt for delight.

Lily’s life is measured in moments and days. A lesson she teaches and reteaches me when I forget and go astray. And for the past 2190 days of her life, she has made my life and Molly’s more fun, rich and meaningful. The strut in her walk with her ear flipped back when she was a puppy remains strong and intact today. She’s loving life and it’s loving her right back.

“Today you are you! That is truer than true! There is no one alive who is you-er than you!” Dr. Seuss

“Today you are you! That is truer than true! There is no one alive who is you-er than you!” Dr. Seuss

So Happy 6th Birthday or 2190 Days Celebration of Really Living Life Lily. May we all be so wise, kind and generous in sharing wonder and awe by living each and every moment on purpose and with purpose.

“It takes a long time to become young.” – Pablo Picasso

“It takes a long time to become young.” – Pablo Picasso

Feb 10

A Soft Place to Land

“It is still breathtaking to me to watch people bring love, preciousness and kindness to their inner world, allowing the light of God to shine through their eyes so that the beauty of their soul can come forth.” – Debbie Ford

We all need a soft place to land. May you find yours today. May you be one in return.

“Be true to yourself. Make each day a masterpiece. Help others. Drink deeply from good books. Make friendship a fine art. Build a shelter against a rainy day.” – John Wooden

“Be true to yourself. Make each day a masterpiece. Help others. Drink deeply from good books. Make friendship a fine art. Build a shelter against a rainy day.” – John Wooden

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