Fleeting Thoughts
5:00 am: Thoughts race through my head chaotically. Conversations from yesterday, from five years ago. Conversations that haven’t happened yet. My “to do” list. Problems to solve. Projects unfinished. Words said, unsaid, wish I said, wish I didn’t say. Upset with others with what they said, didn’t say, the way they said it, what they meant or didn’t mean.
Past and future moments replaying in my head, bouncing from one to the next in no particular order and then back again. The only thing they have in common is that they keep me awake. The alarm clock blares like a referee whistle in a game, calling time out. By the time I get up, I’m exhausted before the day starts. No wonder. I just did the mental Olympics of what if, why not, how come, if only. Not to worry, there will be a replay before I go to bed, recapping the day and anticipating what tomorrow will bring.


